So this is what complete contentment feels like?

Once in a millennia there comes a few moments of complete perfection. Some say this came in the form of this "Jesus" dude. They often get mad at me when I say NAY! Perfection does not appear through some trickster who escaped from a cave/death or some shit like that. Dude's not Houdini! No, perfection has come to us in the heroin-chic cheekbones of Tyson Ritter and his band the All American Rejects. Now please, please, fair readers, do not sigh or roll your eyes. I know my comparison of the lead singer of a pop band to the Son of the Lord might sound like a bit of a stretch, but ummm...it's really not, this shit's totally on FIRE!
While the song itself is great, the video is what really makes it for me. There is just really nothing bad about this. It is the worlds first ABSOLUTE TRUTH. Not only is it a Britney Spears cover (yaowzers!), but there's beer bottle playing, seductive bedroom eyes from the sexiest man alive, and a toy accordion. Take a breath and put on an extra pair of socks...because by the time this song is done you will have had to taken them off because this cover's so hot. (You thought I was going to say "because this song will blow them off" didn't you? Well save it you jokester, that's really corny and not even I would go there.)

Where's the Bacon Miracle Whip?

Aren't relationships grand? Every relationship is based upon reciprocity... just like baconnaise. Baconnaise is the perfect admixture of partially hydrogenated corn oil, artificial bacon flavoring and... mayonnaise. Listening to live music is very similar. The musician gets his/her power from the audience. When the audience dances, it excites the performer to pump more and more energy into the crowd, creating a feedback loop. When the band is done, it goes backstage and eats baconnaise.

Some good bands that participate in this ritual are the following:

St. Germain - So Flute

Lipps Inc. - Funk Town

Phone-a-faun (Our first RADIO SHOW GUEST!)

Dan kind of looks like this kid but a bit older and sans mustache and pistol. 

We are having our first real guest on the radio show this Monday! His name is Dan and he makes freaking weird music and it's totally bitchin and you are going to diggity dig it!

This particular track kind of sounds like a construction site that some gum-chewing Picachus stumbled upon with hopes of catching the bull dog fight located conveniently under the table saw. Also it sounds like I am about to get hit by a bus. I love it.

Chachacheck him out on the radio show Monday 8-10pm. I hear he is quite charismatic and witty so you gotta know the show will be worth a listen. 

Download Land forms

I've been...

....m.i.a..I'm truly sorry all. I've been so seriously neglectful, but I do have a good excuse: I've been in literally a darkroom for the past five days so any contact with the outside world is foreign to me. But anyways, here's a cool song that's kept me going to tie you all over....

Download Casiotone For the Painfully Alone New Year's Kiss

This song makes me want to make out against stacks of pancake batter. Any takers? Even if you post a response as Anonymous, I'll probably accept. (I'm kidding, really.)

Theo, God, A.K.A. Theophilus London

The new artist taking the Hip-Hop world by storm is a rapper named Theophilus London (yes that is actually his name. Named after his great, great, great grandfather). Hailing from Brooklyn, probably Williamsburg, Theophilus is still flying under the radar. However, this is soon to change. He just finished shows at SXSW, and we are about to loose him to a tour in Europe. He is going to BLOW UP! Luckily, he is still not charging for his mixtapes, but this could change very soon. I suggest you hurry and download both of them AS SOON AS POSSIBLE: Jam! and This Charming Mixtape (who doesn’t love an Elvis Costello and Smiths fan?). Theophilus reminds me of an early Kanye, before he became a self-absorbed fashionista. Unfortunately, Theophilus dresses like those awful trendy Cool Kids with his neon colors, and white sunglasses. However, London’s verses and beats trash the Cool Kids’. London is going to get huge, and I suggest you join the bandwagon before he does.

Download:

Star Scream

Leader of the New School

Ultraviolent

Ultra Violet

Its hard not to feel empathetic when I can literally see your brain.

kitten! kitten! kitten!

Workin' Valentine- Hood Internet (Justice vs. Del)

Have you heard the new Del Tha Funky Homosapien single? It is just terrible. But not so fast skippy! Hood Internet mash-ups may be easier to come by these days than brown eyes (mine are blue for the record) but this one is the real deal. Del is a great rapper and Justice is an explosive french electronic duo. If this song were a sandwich it would probably be peanut butter and banana because when you eat it you say, "Whoa, that is good."

newdrugqueens- The Pink Mountaintops

A grungey dirty little song poppunkdistortion. Kind of reminds me of Wavves and a little bit of Thee Oh Sees. 

Babies- Jana Hunter

Makes me want to get knocked up. NOT! She is probably the most superb female singer/songwriter of the now. Get all up in it. 

Little Johnny Brow- Sam Amidon

He is from Brattleboro, Vermont so he has that dirty hot vermont thing for one. This song is creepy and kind of seeps into your skin until you question why you are doing what you are doing. What were you doing? Not a bad idea to go on a solo nighttime drive and play this folkster ditty with the volume cranked. 

Untitled 16- The Real People

Zack Condon being tricky and calling his band the Real People. I don't know. The tracks are all still untitled. Real classic mopey Beirut style until this song explodes with silvery tinsel streamers at around 1 minute thirty seconds. 

A see-through head. Just another reason not to believe in evolution. Its facial expression is unchangingly melancholic. Honestly, have you ever seen a sadder fish?

Do you like dogs? (Y/N)

1. There is an anti-Semitic leprechaun in my literature class. 

2. There is a building in Hudson, NY that has more than 120 cats in it. There were cats in cupboards, cats in the sink, and there was a cat literally on another cat. Not cuddling with the cat, no. It was sleeping on top of the other cat.  

3. When there are only two words written on your economics test and those two words are "not great" your work may be many things, but a big success is not one of them. 

4. Little kids are either really dumb or incredibly metaphysically in touch at the age of five. The kid I babysit doesn't get tenses. Examples: 

a) I asked: "This 'castle' is so cool, [we were climbing a large craggy rock] when did you find it?" He said: "Tomorrow."

b)I tell him while he is eating dessert: "I'm not going to be here next week because I am going home on spring break." He asked: "What is that?" I said: "It is school vacation." He replies: "Oh, it was good." 

I think this last example is just proof that there is only one person in the life of a small boy and that person is himself. 

5. Ian Mackaye thinks rape is a human problem and not JUST a women's problem, right on. And playing the drums with your baby strapped to you isn't going to make them deaf at 6 months old--but wait it might.

Obviously, I had a great week. But the BEST part of my week was when Nick (of this blog) showed me this:

WHAT!!???!!! Download the Poney EP. 

dumb good

speaks for itself. 

Sensual Woman

Are my posts too sexual?  Thus far, Curtis Mayfield gave me an orgasm and I tried to teach you how to seduce a ROBOT.  I suppose sexuality is a part of who I am.  This is certainly nothing to be ashamed of.  I like sexual intercourse.  You do to.  I guarantee it.  If you don't, then you must've had some bad experiences or something.  

Funny how such a simple action can have so many slang terms.  For some reason or other there are a lot of L words having to do with the subject that aren't slang.  Lustful, licentious, lascivious, libidinous, lubricious, lecherous... and probably more that sound even more pedantic.

But lest I get too academic sounding let me tell you this.  Men are like corn dogs - they have a lot of fried corn on the outside, but the real meat is in their weener.  Women are like a head of lettuce - everything is in their head.  Nice and succinct right?

But lest I get overly generalized/stereotypical/sexist let me tell you this.  Men's sexual peak is probably from 16-21.  Women's is from 25-35.  This dissonance is probably the root of many issues and I, for one, would like to help solve some of the problems.

If we could somehow have women peak earlier and men peak later... then the divorce rate would go down, global warming would stop, North Korea would become a Democracy because Kim Jung Il would lose his virginity, and so many other beneficial things would occur.

So how do we do this?  Well, I am a male and frankly, I have racked my brain on how to postpone men's sexual peak.  Any solution I would come up with would be patently androcentric anyway (how you like me now?).  However... I have a few ideas up my sleeve for speeding up the sexual gestation period of women...

Most of what I want to say is wrapped up nicely within this track

The Herbaliser - Sensual Woman

Funnily enough, I really think what this woman says is quite keen.  And the flutist lays down THA LAW!!!

So there you have it.  My suggestions are admittedly one sided, as all they concern are the effeminate.  I hate this kind of discrepancy, but I can't find a cool song about men's sexual awakening.  How about this though?  You come up with ideas for men and put them in the comment section!  I will take any and all ideas in writing.  Working together... (which includes sex)... we will overcome the problems that plague humanity.

Oh, I thought you said LOUDER.

Short anecdote: Today I went to see the newspaper I work for being PRINTED. Wowsas! It was in a warehouse somewhere far far away and the machines were loud and paper was flying! Literally, it was screaming across the ceiling. And the PEOPLE! I have never met so many wonderful and insane people in such a short period of time. I made a lot of friends today- one of my new friends even took a picture of me to remember our fun time spent together watching the paper being made! 

Sometimes GANGSTER LEGS isn't very gangster. This is Beth's fault because she only knows about baby hipster music, which has its place in the world for sure...hahaha. Here are some really groovy hip-hop jams for you to jam and get your groove on to. After all- it IS Thursday!

The Coup: My Favorite Mutiny

Cunninlynguists: Lynguistics

The ultimate Thursday night jam video:

High on a Mountain Top

Everyone remembers 2005 when Wolf Parade made the trek down south from Canada, bringing with them Apologies to the Queen Mary. The album was showered with acclaim, and even prompted Pitchfork to give it a 9.2/10. Since then, Wolf Parade has released the disappointing At Mount Zoomer (2008). With Wolf Parade’s sophomore album not impressing the music world, many question if Canada has officially dried up of good bands. Luckily, for all you Canadian band loving freaks, Canada is still producing quality music. The band that is single handedly putting Canada back on the map comes from Vancouver, and is called Black Mountain. Although labeled as psychedelic rock, Black Mountain’s sound is very unique. Their latest album, In The Future, helps to solidify their status as ‘ground breaking.’ The album has an array of sounds that showcases the band’s musical range. At times their music is metal sounding with their deep drums, and heavy guitar riffs. At other times, lead singer Stephen McBean croons into the microphone. Black Mountain is one of those bands that are hard to describe to someone who has not listened to them. My suggestion is listen to them, let your ears bleed, and then we can talk about Black Mountain.

Download:

Tyrants: http://www.mediafire.com/?t0ywwygozmr

Bright Lights: http://www.mediafire.com/?zgfztlgndam

Queens Will Play: http://www.mediafire.com/?cyyazmymdnz

I'm so sorry, except I'm not. You're welcome actually.

I'm just not really going to pay attention to Emily's biased attacks right now because I have something really, really important to get to you all. There are bigger fish to fry then someone who can't take an honest attack on their character. And anyways, Emily and I had a nice little bonding session today over a really interesting piece of art that showed a baby with a chain coming out of it's head that was connected to Jesus. So we're good.

But anyways, okay, so I never wanted to do this, but I seriously cannot help it. This song is SO GOOD it's actually incredible. Justice would be shitting their French little pants right now if they heard this. This is what Nine-Inch-Nails would sound like if they were at all good/made anything worthwhile after that really dope video for that song whose title I don't remember. This song is misogynistic in a Gravy Train!!! way I am completely on board with. It's danceable, sexy, and almost more fun than the site I found it on, which would be vampirefreaks.com. OH MY GOD THAT'S RIGHT VAMPIREFREAKS.COM. This is Emily and I's new obsession, so don't expect to see either of us out on the weekends anymore because we will be way too busy cruising VF whilst downing XXX on our futon and repeating lines from Forgetting Sarah Marshall from now on. HOW CAN YOU SEE WHEN YOU ARE BLIND?....SODOMIZE INTOLERANCE!

We will absolutely talk more about vampirefreaks.com in the near future because I'm sure that that's all we will ever talk about for at least the next few months. However, because this topic is a gem in an internet sea of, as Sarah Marshall says while impersonating Aldeous Snow in a silly English accent, "bullshit, bullshit, bullshit," we want to carefully and diligently prepare a SUPER POST on it that will blow your minds. But, just to tie you over, and to relay this incredible song to you immediately because you deserve it for working so hard and because that Adderall you're on right now to finish that paper is starting to fuck with your tummy right?, I will kind of jump the gun and introduce you to a vampirefreaks.com band Combichrist. I had a hard time finding Combichrist's stuff for free because I am technologically challenged, so I went to the Itunes store and looked them up. Not only do they have a shit ton of albums, but on the side where they have the whole "Other listener's who bought this album also bought..." box, both Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake are listed. So it's pretty much win win. Then I realized that I accidentally downloaded six of their albums consequently, so watch the fuck out guys!!! Just try and not enjoy this.

Download Combichrist- Give Head If You Got It

Ps- Emily, don't sass me. THE WEATHER OUTSIDE IS WEATHER.

henchboyz (Some vids to pass the time)

This band I know nothing about made the coolest video I have ever known. Besides Intergalactic and Sabotage.

N-Joi is awesome. AWESOME. Larger than life. Watch this video and prepare to be blown out of your seat. That might be from all of the ecstasy you just took though. Spit that out.

Also, there has been some recent negativity in the form of one-sided squabblery from one of our angrier posters. We talked it over briefly and she is going to take some time off to think about how she is sabotaging the blog and to perhaps pursue her martial arts interests in order to reduce the stress that is being taken out on our readers. I have to say this for her because she is rather bashful and I can only imagine how embarrassed she is to have alienated everyone with her text-based attacks. I can assure you all this will never happen again, as it would end with Beth's misfortunate termination from all future GANGSTER LEGS contributions and the blog would henceforth be futile because everyone knows all the best posts are done by Beth. 

Sincerely,

Emily

Re: The Friends

It has been brought to my attention that one of the tracks I uploaded yesterday, "I Fell In Love With A Ghost", is apparently a text file. I don't know how this is possible, seeing as I am currently listening to this supposed "text file" right now and am, in fact hearing music. But whatevs. If you are having this problem please please please check out the comment Emily made on my original post, not just for the hilarious interview with the band, but also for the link at the bottom that will lead you to The Friends myspace and facebook page where you can (hopefully) download the song for realz. I apologize once again for my computer illiteracy.

The Friends are better and healthier people than certain posters on this blog.

So my apparent "friend" got me sick. She's a terrible, terrible person. She might or might not have had conjunctivitis. She might or might not be one of the other posters on this blog. She might or might not blow her snotty diseased nose all over me after she reads this. She is not a very good friend in this respect. You know who are great friends though....

The Friends are great friends indeed. If great friends make fantastic, energetic and polished sounding pop music, then The Friends are great friends. If great friends are actually wonderful, interesting and funny people, then The Friends are great friends for sure. If great friends never give you a runny nose and persistent headache but rather sooth your nerves with sweet, sweet music, then The Friends are definitely great friends. The Friends are really the best around. If you're under the weather, they will tuck you into bed and make you Cup'O Noodles. If you need some cheering up done, they will go out and find you a puppy with a bow around it's neck. If you're stranded in an crack den in Cleavland, they will barge in, finish the rest of your rocks, and then get you both out safely. I hold them all to this. Really, The Friends might just be lifesavers.

Complied of Gangster Legs buddies Jonathan Rosen, Luke Hamel and a plethora of other equally awesome and talented guys and gals, The Friends are hard at work on an album. But in the meantime, they put on the funnest shows around these parts. They literally tie on your dancing shoes for you. If that's not the sign of a good friend, then I really don't know what is.

They are going to blow up so big, ya'll don't even know. So seriously get your "I knew them then" stories straight now before they become famous. For example:
"Oh yeah man, I was in like, two classes with Luke back in college." "No way dude, that is SO cool. They're like, majorly successful musicians now!" "Dude, I KNOW. But they're so chill. Jonathan was like, one of the first people I met there too. I totally heard "Fell in Love With A Ghost" in it's early stages like, out on a fire-escape at a dorm party. So chill." "Whoa! That makes you so much cooler." "Yeah, I know" (End Scene)
If you can, check them out in Annandale on March 13th @ 8pm. They're playing with The Americans, The Evan Uhlmann Band and The Sparrows, all very friendly acts as well. If you can't truck through the muddy pathways, consume some XXX, and dance your skinny little ass off like everyone else there will be, pacify your sadness of missing that AMAZINGLY GOOD TIME by downloading these tunes:

I Fell In Love With A Ghost
Howl
The River Motel
Joseph and Mary

SWEDISH FISH

Lets face it. Sweden has only contributed three things to the world: Honey is Cool, The Knife, and Fever Ray. Ironically, Karin Dreijer Andersson was a part, or is still a part of each of these bands. The name should sound familiar to y’all. That is because Karin Dreijer Andersson is the sister of Olof Dreijer, and together they form the Knife. Everyone knows the Knife, especially when they imported Deep Cuts into the United States. The album had the track ‘Heartbeats’, which was the anthem for 2003. Since Deep Cuts, the Knife released Hannah med H Soundtrack (2003), and Silent Shout (2006). After their Silent Shout tour, the Knife announced they were taking a three-year hiatus to pursue solo projects. So far it only appears that Karin has had a solo project. What the fuck has Olof released? Karin just released her new brainchild, Fever Ray. It is interesting to note that before the Knife, Karin was involved in a Swedish indie band called Honey is Cool. This was apparently before she discovered electronic music. Her new project, Fever Ray, sounds like if the Knife had sex with Suicide, and had a baby. Fever Ray, unlike the Knife, is not music to dance to. It is much darker sounding, and invokes satanic imagery. The videos for Fever Ray’s two singles, ‘If I Had a Heat,’ and ‘When I Grow Up,’ are extremely creepy. Anyways, Fever Ray is the perfect music to listen as we transition from winter to spring.





Download:

Fever Ray: If I Had A Heart

Fever Ray: When I Grow Up

Honey is Cool: Something About the Mountains

I don't know how to pronounce this name.

A certain friend of mine instantly turned down my enthusiasm for Astronautalis because I described him as sometimes doing this "talky" thing. By that I mean he kind of talks in songs sometimes and he kinda sounds like a pirate/embarrassingly over-zealous-sincere and I don't like him for a moment, but then he pulls out these amazing little moments and I love it again. Is this considered rapping? I dunno. Is this Eminem's hipster side-project? I dunno...maybe. Is this some nerd with a computer and drum set who is a secret sex-god/rock/rap/rhythmic-talking star? Probably. Either way Astronautalis' stuff basically is what it must feel like when you're in the wardrobe on your way to Narnia (bear with me here): it's secretive and kinda scary and apprehensive but filled with oodles of adventure and wonder and the good kind of nervousness. Oodles.....whoa, that's "noodles" without the n....that must mean something...

Download Short Term Memory Loss, Meet Me Here Later, A Love Song For Gary Numan, Barrel Jumping (A Man of Letters) and Two Years Before the Mast.

THE BILLIONAIRES

The Billionaires are kind of from Martha's Vineyard and kind of from Los Angeles. All songs are off of Really Real for Forever (Too Soon, 2008). Oh, bad news, they already broke up. 

If you hate kittens and bubbles you will probably hate this song. It is about how fun it is to keep coming back home every summer and wasting your life away. I'm in.

This was filmed on MV and in LA. How appropriate. I don't know how great the video actually is but it can't be as bad as any of the hilarious Amazing Baby videos. The song is great but really? I mean, really.

I love you Mother Nature, take my babies to the oceanside. Okay, obviously.

n joi!

Run It Over and Wear It (Handsome Furs)

I wrote about Swan Lake so it seems only fair to write a post about Handsome Furs. This past week on GANGSTER LEGS (the radio show), I played some Handsome Furs it got rave reviews from no one (it got no reviews at all) but I have a feeling people really were itching to download it. Handsome Furs is Dan of Wolf Parade and his bitchin wifey! Their love makes the music wonderful. This album has not (really) come out yet. It is called Face Control. I don't know why! You should still listen to the entire thing because it is really real for forever (foreshadowing of my next post which will be about The Billionaires, unless I space out and forget). 

Face Control (Sub Pop, 2009)

Aww!

Feeling a bit lonely in the winter tundra of the outside world recently? Well listen to this song and see how fast you'll bop-that's right, literally bop- around your room, bake sugar cookies in the shape of rainbow ponies and down-right precious paraplegic cats, and write letters to friends filled with glitter and doodles of cute guys and gals on bikes.

Ew. Stop being so cute you loser.

Download Nice to Come Home by Julie Doiron

To put a brief pause on my facetiousness, Julie Doiron is actually super great. She makes wonderful little songs that are almost unbearably adorable and homely, but pulls it off without making me want to find a large stuffed Barney to dismember. I Can Wonder What You Did With Your Day, her new album, comes out on March 24th so go out and get it; the whole thing is super good. I can't wait to listen to it when it starts getting warmer out, I feel like it will at least double in it's loveliness.

But for now check out these leaks (and the one above!)!....!......!.....! (sorry, she's got me feeling excessively cutesy)

Download Borrowed Minivans and Glad to Be Alive.

Things That Go Drunk in the Night (GANGSTER LEGS has a ray-de-o show!)

Now Beth and I can annoy you TWO ways! You probably can't get enough of our yuppie kid banter so I figured, give the people what they want. Listen every Monday from 8-10pm. Click Listen. I will post the best songs from the show on GANGSTER LEGS later in the week. No, don't say it. You are welcome.

I have something a little different for you today. It is real long. And real good. Wonder DJ alias Steve McQueen hails from hipshit LA and he put together this itty bitty jaunt that will work perfectly to strengthen your reputation as the cool kid/party kid/kid who knows something about music. Just press play and you can go socialize and talk about how you discovered Beirut when you were like seven, worry-free for 26 minutes and 25 seconds. Then you better have some Tupac Shakur queued because nothing kills your Molson XXX buzz like sudden silence and actually having to listen to what the other person is sa-ying. Seriously, I am previewing this mix at 10 in the morning and I like it now. I can only imagine how I would feel after some Pibbers (PBRs you fool) and putting my dancing socks on. Probably kind of queasy. A fair warning though, it contains some samples that will remind you of you...10 years ago. 

Shaq vs. Kobe

Bonus: If you are lucky like me, right after the mix is over, "Swingtown" by the Steve Miller Band will come on. What a transition!