Portishead's Producer Changing Gears.

Geoff Barrow has a long and varied career as a musician. He collaborated with Depeche Mode, Massive Attack and Primal Scream back in the day. But he is most famous for his contributions to Portishead.

Geoff was the main man behind Portishead's deep azz electric boogaloo. Boogy fo sho. In fact, Portishead's live recordings at Roseland NYC are actually some of the best live recordings I think I've ever heard. It sounds like they are in a studio.

When I went through a particularly depressing phase of my life the song "Over" basically came to define who I was. Looking back on it now, it was a bit too dramatic... if you listen to the song you will know what I mean. But wow, the way Beth Gibbons controls her voice is so deliberate and powerful. She sends shivers through this old man.

So we have established that Geoff is a talented dude. His next project is this ditty called "Anika". Kind of a weird Asian pop mixed with Le Tigre and Stereo Total. It's pretty good and now out on Stones Throw, which is a good label.


Bippity Bippity Bop

If I've learned anything over the years it's that I love wizards. I love wizards, I love what they wear, I love what they do. I love wizardry.

Some people say their parents are their heroes or Michael Jordan, who incidentally I just found out played for the Wizards basketball team (no doubt a glaring hint to the public that he himself is a wizard). My heroes are wizards.

Wizards, like other people have likes and dislikes. They pretty much only like magic though so here are things I have learned that wizards superhate:

-Fake Wizards (including Harry Potter, the big guy with the soft-looking white hair in The Lord of the Rings, and Mickey Mouse in Fantasia)
-Halloween (lots of boisterous fake wizards asking for treats and threatening tricks, which is funny because only real wizards can do tricks so they are ruining their costume's illusion)
-Dragons (they burn wizards with their throat flames accidentally)
-Strawberries (I have only been able to get the confirmation of five wizard's on this one)
-The idiotic idea that you can learn wizardry (you either have powers or you do not have powers SORRY!)

Here are sample songs that are on a lot of wizard mixes (played on cordless boomboxes made of stardust and wires):

Dwight Twilley - Looking for the Magic
Off the notoriously famous 1977 release Twilley Don't Mind.

The Birds - Say Those Magic Words

David Bowie - Dance Magic
He is actually a wizard by the way.

JK & Co. - Magic Fingers of Minerva

Sunset Rubdown - Magic vs. Midas


How I Love James Cameron

Oh James Cameron, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

Ok, so I really don't think your movies are the best. They are damn good, definitely above mediocre. But to me their just a bit too flat, too two dimensional. You're all special effects and no cattle. So the reason for my sycophancy is not that you make ze bezt movies, but that you do such cool shit with your money.

Let's be honest, you made a pile of wet stinky cash bigger than Godzillaz's flaming elbow (shout's to Emily's dad!). You deserve the money and I am happy for you. But what really tickles me pink is the fact that you spend your money developing submarines that dive deeper than any other on the planet! High Fives all over the place!

Seriously, when I daydream about being rich, I would do the same things as you. I am not so jealous of your money, but what your money has allowed you to work on. I love oceanic exploration and scuba diving. I think we need a lot more money to be involved in researching vessels to explore the deep and to withstand the tremendous amounts of pressure involved with being 36,500 feet below the surface.

What's seven miles below the ocean surface in the Mariana Trench? I have no f*ing clue and I wanna know by-golly!

So thank you James Cameron for doing such cool shit and making me happy.



The radio show is back on, new and improved at the least convenient time! (Guess who forgot to properly submit an application?) Go to this website on Wednesdays from 5-6 PM (yes) and click listen.

The Seeds

Can't Seem to Make You Mine

Mr. Farmer

Live version from 1968.


Is this good?

DJ Shadow (aka Josh Davis) occupies a special place en mi corazon.

My mom never breast fed me because her breasts couldn't lactate milk. True story. Instead, her mammary glands reproduced Shadow's electric rhythms and sugary percussion hits in the highest of fidelities. Titty-hi-fi. This nourishment of vibrations traveled down my esophagus, through my stomach's sphincter and deep into the core of my gut where it still resides. The funk never left. I gotta whole bag of funk in my 1985 Oldsmobile trunk.

Entroducing was just a naughty sandwich sprinkled with rainbow sprinkles. I still think Dan the Automator should probably get more credit for that album than Shadow, but whatev. The cleanliness of the Private Press was due to the lack of any collaboration with His Automator-ness. Cleanliness in this instance being more on the pejorative side. Dan is the bringer of all that is dirty, just look at the difference between the first Gorillaz album and the second. While I listened to the second a lot, the first still has more replay value. Anyway, I digress.

Undoubtedly the Private Press and Entroducing were Mr. Davis' finest offerings. The live stuff is wicka-wicka-wild-wild-west also but it's a different experience. You don't have the hermetically sealed zip lock taste with the live stuff. Freeze was very poorly recorded. This was unfortunate too because them's some tasty corn fritters. Not to say that you shouldn't eat it. You should. It will make your LDL's and Triglyceride levels jump off charts.

Shadow came out with The Outsider in '06. Everyone talked a lot of shit on this album so there is little need for me to add much here. Suffice to say it's like your parents saying their disappointed. The funk was still locked in that trunk, don't get me wrong. It gave me optimism in my hour of need.

So now you have his latest which brings us full circle to the title of this entry. Is this good? Because I think it isn't. Or at the very least I am confused. It sounds like early 90's industrial techno, more specifically drum and bass. I love Aphex Twin but no one can be Aphex Twin but Aphex Twin. To get on that level you need synesthesia.

It doesn't bring me anywhere special. It doesn't push any boundaries or special buttons. In fact, he is pushing too many buttons - computer and MPC ones. He used to rub his fingers on the wax and added the MPC for flair. Now its one giant Starcraft love-fest.

You can't fight the funk and because of that I am still optimistic but cautiously.

Keep your fingers crossed mi amigos.


Who wants my AIDS!!!!

Sorry for the 2 month hiatus but I've been out sick with bed bugs. I've missed you all so much. Before I embark on my non-sensical rant about nothing, eat a jelly donut then tell your mom you have sexual fantasies of playing Twister with Rasputin, Alfred Hitchcock, and Justin Beiber.

ANYWAY, during my hiatus I've come to the conclusion that for the longest time all I've wanted to do was smoke crack with you people then suck a large dong at an asian soup factory. If you don't like it, then you can find out where doodys go when I flush the toilet. FACE!

Sarah Jessica Parker once asked me if I knew my way around a 1099 Tax Form, and I quickly retorted, "Fuck that shit, I make a living shoplifting VCR's at Best Buy." She winced with agony and slowly returned to the sewers where she broods terrible movies/shows. Soon after, a man using chopsticks as legs told me that he found Jesus inside a fortune cookie.



I am going to be re-posting some classic James Bond film reviews that I wrote a while ago. While not the most original thing I have ever done, I feel that somewhere deep inside of you, you yearn for these reviews. Just sit down and believe you me when I tell you me that these things are good for you (me).

And with that, I give you Thunderball.

Thunderballz! I started watching the 4th installation of the James Bond series on Thanksgiving morning with high hopes.

Opening Sequence – The thunderball theme song is sung by the man hisselph – Tom Jones. While I am not too partial to men singing the 007 theme song, Mister Jones is quite fitting. His highs are exhilarating and his lows more so. Also – Tom Jones is somewhat of a Bond. While he doesn’t work for MI-6, he does get down with tons of voluptuous 60’s booty. I bet he got more tail than Sean Connery and Roger Moore combined. The visual stimuli is pretty nice. Cutouts in the shape of women’s bodies with multicolored fluids bubbling in the background is fun, if a bit ordinary.

Girls – Domino. Not plural and not the kind you play with your grammy. I find her to be one of the most appealing Bond girls. She’s a beautiful red-headed Parisian with a fitting accent. She’s also not shy. In one scene she states she will kill 007. And yet, in the end she saves his life.

Perils and Escapes – While at a health clinic Bond gets on a machine that is supposed to stretch his spine with slow undulating motions. Unbeknownst to him, some hooligan turns the machine to “eleven”. The stretcher goes into hyper-drive, pulling at ever-faster intervals. The viewer is somewhat torn by this sight. Is the machine lending an auto-erotic helping hand or is Bond making love to the metallic beast? Either way, the Marquis de Sade would be proud. Probably one of Bond’s most comical and innocuous predicaments. I highly recommend it.

Villains – While getting a taste of SPECTRE in the earlier 007 films, this is the first to show us the organization as a whole. The identity of #1 is still ambiguous. His visage hidden by some not-so-clever evil lair architecture. The cat is still there though, forever being stroked by that hand… which is probably pruney from all of the cat oil that has been soaked into it.

One mention about the term SPECTRE. Ian Fleming used the acronym a lot in his stories. One theory of mine is that Fleming read about the term in the Communist Manifesto. The first line of it reads, “There is a spectre haunting Europe – the spectre of communism.” I will leave the conclusions for you to make.

Vehicles and Gadgets – MMMmmm underwater gadgetry painted in 1960’s motifs. You can’t get much better. The Aston martin DB5 makes its’ appearance, albeit for a brief moment. And the weaponry it wields? A pair of spouts on the back that shoot… water. These jets of wah-wah (shouts to Helen Keller!) deftly keep a few henchmen at bay while Bond takes his leave. This is within the first ten minutes of the film. And where does the beautiful DB5 go after that? Somewhere not in the film. Bollocks.

Memorable Quotes – “Why not try some of my conch chowder?”