Why am I so awkward?

I dare you to not want pancakes! Triple dog dare.

Hmmm. I am going to blame my awkwardness on a few things. One of these is that I emulate my dog who is neurotic and has a bad command of English. Thanks Delila, now I do too! Another reason is that I am really, really tall. Like it's not normal how tall I am. Everyone talks about it and I get more awkward. The last reason is that I can't go very long periods of time without saying something either offensive or that makes the other person unbelievably uncomfortable for some time after. I feel fine about this but I think a product of my own awkwardness is making others feel this way. Let me provide a few prime examples. Let's move from the general to the particular.

1. I love making noises. Like meeps and beeps and rawrs. Sometimes this seems funny to me but confuses other people. Sometimes they say,"What did you say?" and I say, "Nothing," and sulk away.

2. I am so tall I tower over everyone so when I speak to them it is not to their face but to the top of their head. This is an intrinsically awkward way of having a conversation.

3. I have no people skills. This past weekend I went to Union Pool which is a place I really do not like. I did not check the very reliable GANGSTER LEGS show list which had clearly stated for some time now that Harlem was playing that night at that very venue. I casually asked someone after accidentally insulting them for their weird face who had played that night. "Harlem." I lost it. Then I went to wait in the line for the bathroom where I could find a lot of people confined to a small hallway where I knew they would have to listen to me losing it over my carelessness. I found some guy seated. He looked normal I guess. I explained how ticked off I was and how they were like my uhh favorite band and I missed them. This went in circles for maybe two minutes or slightly over two minutes. Finally he says, "I'm in that band." I could have stopped there but I didn't. I had to make him feel extremely awkward. I had to tell him that "South of France" is my second most played song on iTunes. I had to tell him that I put their songs on all of my mix CDs and then I listen to them when I'm driving to certain places and sometimes I just listen to the whole album. Then I got kind of mean. I accused him of not making enough music and demanded that they play another set. "I don't think it works that way." "IT CAN," I am an informative drunk. I texted all of my best friends in the world that I had just made best friends with this dude from Harlem. They were so happy for me! So was I. It was my turn to pee! But when I came out, expecting him to be waiting for me right outside the door, he was not there. I went outside to be with my stinky friends outside the smelly fire pit. He came outside soon after to smoke a cigarette by the fire pit, a place where it was warmer that regular outside. I introduced him as my friend from Harlem. He said his name was Cummie or Comey or Cumin. Whatever Croodles! I found out later it is Coomers. I mean, what? He ate his cigarette to get away from me and I looked sad and considered lighting the coat of the girl next to me on fire to pass the time. But I could not be left in peace. This assmonkey across "the pit" had to tell me all about me. "Your coat is really red." "Thanks." "You are really tall." "Oh, am I?" "Nice boots." "Thanks, they're real big." Then he wanted to know what I did. Obviously I said I was a bodybuilder and everyone was impressed, me included.

People Under the Stairs are a great band. This is a new video of theirs and after that is one of my favorite songs.

The Joyride

Harlem played live for The Fader.


GANGSTER LEGS the RADIO show is back!

The radio show is about to get born again. Saturdays 8-10 PM EST. Go to wxbc.bard.edu and click listen. It will pop up in your iTunes and then you can enjoy the stylings of me, Beth, and Will C. tonight. But really, who even KNOWS who else will be there? I hear the another Emily is flying in from ABQ. Rumor? HOPE NOT. mmmmkkkkceeyuthr.

This is a new People Under the Stairs video that isn't new anymore. Below is one of my favorite songs, by them.

The Joyride


THE OLYMPICS (and fashion week)! ILOVIT!

It just says "fuck you" over and over. But that brass!

Look at the daily
photos from the nytimes.

The only thing I love more than the Summer Olympics are the Winter Olympics. The only thing I love more than fashion week are citrus fruits. Eating one is like getting a snack and a free spritz of perfume. I got grapefruit in my hair before 9:00 AM and I smelled nice all day.

P.S. If you look fast the second guy from the left looks like Luke Wilson! A very thin Luke Wilson, but that might be him.


day one and carneval already has my heart

last night i stumbled upon the naked 8bit dancing wonder that is Meneo at the start of carneval festivities at sala apolo. it didnt take much to convince me that Meneo of "Barcelona, Miami Guatemala" would be an mystical, color soaked experience as soon as he walked out wearing a mariachi outfit with 80s video game animation video looping in the background. fiesta is the word this week. caribbean rave? 8bit tropicalia? electropical spectacular? whateva you say.

videos below:

"Basic" by Meneo

BASIC - MENEO (2008) from Entter on Vimeo.

"Palmitos Park" by El Guincho

el Guincho from Pokernews on Vimeo.


the womb. he's out!

The 1990s seem to be producing some really great singer/songwriters. First we had the love of my life, Hank May of Rock Dove, and now I know of ANOTHER one! How? Where? At a Hank May concert of course! I probably wouldn't venture into the arctic to hear anyone else.

The concert was in possibly the grimiest place ever but every time I have gone there to see a show, it has been better than most of the stupid bar or warehouse shows in Brooklyn. It is just really, really small. It seems exclusive because the capacity is about 10 people. You have to shove your way around the corner to see who is playing. I don't listen to music. I watch it. Never both. The room was really smoky and people were drinking beer out of huge containers. A superbly blond tall kid was playing some music and of course I wasn't paying attention because I was being like what the fuck who is this where is Hank May? But then he sang this song "I Love You But You're Xing Yourself," and then I was okay with him. His new EP is called That Big Sad Thing (that you can't quite put your finger on). My favorite song is "Play & Act" though most of them are good. It sounds like he drinks a lot and likes a lot of girls. He is too young for that. Put your shirt on.

Play & Act

Go to his myspace if you need more want more.

Also, I am going to see Beach Fossils, The Beets, and Christmas Island tomorrow. I will write about that because, oh man, it's gonna be sweet. I should take pictures but I'll probably drop/crush/lose my camera.


Hentai Hiroshima Mon Amore

Some people say I will never grow up. Well, you know what? They are wrong. I will grow up slash am growing up. But one residual characteristic remains from the time when I was a baby: I think Hentai is funny shit.

I will probably always think Hentai funny. I even have an academic book about the birth of Hentai. To show off a bit, I will do a quick synopsis:

In the Edo period there were a lot of Ronin (Samurai for hire aka Mercenaries) that had nothing to do. This was in the early 1700's and since prostitution was illegal (at the time) these dudes were jerkin it like it was 1999. Hence, shunga (erotic art) was born. The demand came from the hand. The supply came from the artist guy.

At first, these pictures were hand painted and incredibly expense. However, with the advent of wood block printing, hentai started to take shape in mass commodified quantities.

One of my favorite anecdotes is how the ronin incorporated these pictures into their religion. They basically stated that the shunga was connected with Shintoism and that if you put a picture of a naked lady on the mantel, then your house would not befall the contemptible fate of arson. Ahh how I love how religious traditions get twisted into accommodating societal norms.

Hope you enjoyed the tidbit of history. If you want the book (I picked it up at the MFA in Boston) it's called "Sex and the Floating World" by Timon Screech.

If you want to view the most extremely weird and hilarious Hentai ever - then I suggest the "Ogenki Clinic". Some Hentai are really dark and... well fucked up to the point of nausea. This is just funny in a light hearted way.

*Disclaimer - the following link refers to an animated porno video with penetration, boobs, butts, blue jeans etc... but it's so goofy and wacky that all of the eroticism is effaced so watch it!

My Deepest and Sincerest Apologies to Feminists Everywhere



I'm in the market for a buffalo which can be hard to come by.

I love my dog so much. She is my best friend. Actually she is my only friend and seeing as how Valentine's Day is coming up it is time to:

Main Entry: sulk
Part of Speech: verb
Definition: pout [this is incorrect as sulking and pouting are completely different]
be down in the mouth [haha], be in a huff, be morose, be out of sorts, be silent, brood [not the same], frown, gloom, glower, gripe, grouse, grump, look sullen, lower, moon*, mope, scowl, take on
be happy, grin, smile

I don't really love anything or anyone. I even feel myself becoming distant from everything I once loved: hot sauce, milk. You know what I do love? When people sample Ol' Dirty Bastard even though he's dead.

Blakroc is a handhold between the Black Keys and various rapstaahs such as Raekwon, Mos Def, Q-Tip, Ludacris, and etc. The album is called Blakroc. I think it's worth getting the whole album.

Highlights: "On the Vista (Mos Def)" and "Ain't Nothing Like You (Hoochie Coo) (Mos Def and Jim Jones)" and "Coochie (Ol' Dirty Bastard and Ludacris)."

They made "webisodes" showing the like colab between all the rappers and the greasy hipsters. Also a music video was made and it is boring.

To clarify, the top image is a man with a possible erection wearing a Morphsuit.


excuse me, you dropped something

If you don't want to hear someone spew stupid lyrics at you today, snootchies Roky Erickson's (of the 13th Floor Elevators) "You Don't Know (How Young You Are)." The actual version has words. This version they seemed to have gone. Missing.

It has some sweet roller coaster guitar riffs and this weird little scoopy doopy thing.

Roky Erickson - You Don't Know (How Young You Are)

It's a bonus track! Off of So Alone. Jeez!

Johnny Thunders - Hurtin'

You smashed bottles all over your Wednesday walk in the park. Big hit.

New York Dolls - Personality Crisis