blanket time

I saw The National and Beach House with Beth the other day and we have another friend surprisingly. It was great. It was in Prospect Park. Above was our view because we did not actually purchase tickets. There were a lot of young people, which was confusing because that is the wrong demographic for The National. Beach House, maybe. Still, where were the new moms and dads? Where were their strollers? Where were their babies they forced to wear glasses and Vans and silly shorts (all babies wear silly shorts)? OH. They were inside the fenced in venue because they have careers and can pay for the more intimate experience of both hearing and seeing a show.
Well let me tell you something. It couldn't have gotten much more intimate than my experience...bummer, I just scoured my photos to find the one(s) of me sitting on Beth's lap for the show but I think our other friend (who is real) took them with his camera.* (*found one it can be seen above.) It was physical. And emotional. I tried to make myself cry because I like to cry but the music wasn't piercing my soul to the right degree. I got my money's worth (FREE). I did dance a lot by the fence, which makes no sense because it wasn't any louder. I kind of felt like a gerbil trying to escape but that makes no sense because I was outside the fenced in area. I guess the grass is always greener for gerbils in the park. I danced with some girls and Beth remained on the blanket during my second excursion to the dance floor and that was when I made a friend! She was either really drunk or fucking nuts. She told me after not talking to me that I "should never change." "Just be exactly who you are always, you're awesome." Thanks maniac, I will. Oh, the music was fine. They played "Mr. November" and "Secret Meeting" and some other songs. I hate The National. Beach House was great. "Zebra" and "Walk in the Park" were dreamy. That's the closest I came to crying. Why can't I cry?

I did not take this video. Probably a dad with a pocket size video cam did. Cool tech dad!


are you breakfast or are you dessert?

Sometimes you don't want to hear anything except one specific song over and over again. No one's voice.
I have a few, which means I really don't want to talk to anyone. One is "Breakneck Speed" by Tokyo Police Club (pretty new). One is "I Am A Girlfriend" by Nobunny (old news). But there is also this new song that was recorded late this spring. Listen to it and feel pretty down on yourself! Emperor Clouds is the band's name but this song just features Stephen Taylor who is talented and a great guy to boot.
He is kind and loves Raisin Bran. In the title of the featured song, "Lamenter's Lament," he admits how damn whiny he is about to get, so he is also forthright. Yet: Stephen isn't very whiny in real life as far as I know. So I suppose he is confusing, like Raisin Bran. It seems so healthy, bran. But surprise! It has 17 grams of sugar per serving and you do not need to look under a microscope to find that the raisins harbor shimmering kid's crack. (Raisin Bran Crunch has 20 grams: shnikies and deceit.) The culprit that first comes to mind, Lucky Charms, only has 11 grams in comparison and even God's gift to earth Reese's Puffs has just 12 grams. Stephen, really? Is this song about a girl or the sorrow you feel after the sugar high from breakfast wears off?

Emperor Clouds - Lamenter's Lament

Tokyo Police Club - Breakneck Speed

Nobunny - I Am A Girlfriend

To be fair, Stephen also likes Kix (pronounced keeks), which only has 3 grams of sugar per serving. A level-headed choice. Stephen tested, Stephen approved.


Hold Your Head Up

Here I review every music video made in 1993.

Blind Melon - No Rain

Concept: We love yellow and let's make a video that destroys dressing up like a bee for everyone, even babies and puppies. What are you supposed to be? The Bumblebee Girl? No.
2:55 a strange raptor dance is displayed. Who does he think he is? A more cheery jurassic period Ozzy Osbourne. No.

Eurythmics - Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This)

Concept: Annie Lennox gets hired as a part of Teach For America.
1:10 The Knife takes note of costume design.
1:14 Unrealistic shot of meadow music. He is swinging a cello around and playing it.
2:20 I am now certain this will be my favorite music video for 1993.
2:33 Confirmed and screen-shot has been taken.

Snoop Dogg - Who Am I? (What's My Name)

Concept: "You don't love me, you just love my doggy style."
0:52 Mega-morphin doberman pinscher.
1:20 LOOK AT THAT PAINTING. Rat-tat-tat-tat Dr. Dre mothafuckas.
2:00 I am glad boys are back into the button-all-buttons style. Chest hair is revolting and the easiest way to transform one's day to night look on the go is to rip off your tie and stop there.
2:40 This is my favorite video of the decade. I like to imagine who the person is just off camera that's shaking the dog to make it dance like that.

Cypress Hill - Insane in the Brain

0:45 Cypress Hill bucket hat.
>0:45 This video is pretty standard.

On that note, I ate a lunch of peanut butter. Just a regular day of eating butters and spreads for meals. I ran out of hummus and salsa.


Buggin' Out!

I know its pretty much every girl's dream to have Robert Pattinson's Twilight character Edward Cullen in their bed feasting on their virgin blood. But what happens when he gets his whole family in on the feast? Most girls probably think, "Aw cool, I get a whole bunch of hot guys in my bed." WRONG. Don't forgot about those bitchy sisters. They're going to crush your self esteem with their size 2 bodies.

If you hate Twilight as much as I do imagine the Cullen's have decided to morph into inconsiderate little bugs that chomp your flesh at night. They don't really discriminate where they feast, which leaves mosquito like bites that itch like fuck. Considering they don't give a shit about you, they make their home in YOUR mattress, and thinks its cool to shit all over YOUR bed. Personally, at this point I'd rather take Robert Pattinson and his whole crew pounding me in the ass nightly.

If you haven't guessed by now, I am living with fucking bed bugs! What makes matters so much more awesome is that I just moved and now am paying out the ass to get rid of them.

So I just decided to throw in a Fake Blood song that you can enjoy while you think of tiny insects living in your mattress/headboard/floors/clothing/toothpaste/bag of weed/turkey sandwiches. So while your feeling like Cohaagen did in the picture above, you better get your ass to Mars. Fake Blood did!

Portrait of a Stalker as a Twentyoneyearold Chicken Coop Owner


Also. Phosphorescent is playing tonight at Pier 54 for free so if you swoon for Matty Houck you might want to get there at 6 PM OR BEFORE. I wonder if Beth knows. She usually follows Matthew very closely. Two steps behind. Three when he starts to look suspicious.




I have really been burning the candle at both ends this past week, which means I feel like I am melting. I made special appearances at three music shows and I even saw a movie! I went to some swimming holes upstate and that was really great. Ratings are on a scale of 10, 10 being the BEST.

1. Beach Fossils at Santos Party House.

Rating: 4 (I had to address a girl in the front who was thrashing around and tell her that she might want to be nicer and stop hitting me but she got meaner after this. There was free vodka. This didn't change the fact that only five people in the room had ever heard the band before.)

2. Tori Y Moi at Glasslands.

Rating: 2 (It was too hot to think but I got to stand near a fan and someone kindly blew on my face when I thought I was going to cry.)

3. The Oblivians at the Knitting Factory.

Rating: 10 (The best show I have been to in a year. Incredible performance and no one hit me in the face. They have better energy than people 10 years younger and I love love loved everything about it. It was free.)

4. The movie was The Tale of the Fox (French: Le Roman de Renard, German: Reinecke Fuchs) was stop-motion animation pioneer Ladislas Starevich's first fully-animated feature... (more from reliable source wikipedia). It was finished in 1930 but did not premiere until 1937. Delay! It is my new favorite movie and really this is not a funny joke. The movie has lots of funny jokes in it though and I did not know people could be so clever in years prior to the 1980s.

Rating: 10 come on

Here are some of my new favorite summer songs.

White Wires - Pretty Girl

There is a high of 101 degrees today. WHO CARES? I actually do because I have panic attacks when I am overheated or at least try to induce them so people give me some fucking space. This song is good.

Dead Man's - Bones

Summery hand claps and little kids singing. Motivation.

Future Islands - Tin Man

The intro is cute like the little girl walking around Starbucks right now with two straws sticking out of her mouth like walrus tusks. Wolf Parade - Spencer Krug + Tom Waits.

Fergus & Geronimo - Blind Muslim Girl

Catchy and old surfing songs eeeiihh yihhhs yaaas.


Also if you miss GANGSTER LEGS the radio show you should listen to EVR on Thursdays from 8-10 PM because I am filling in for 1/2 of the Nicks of Nick and Nick. You can listen to some of the past shows at that link.