Harem pants:
It looks like you are wearing a poo diaper.
Quick fix: Go to the bathroom.
Jeggings:
Jean leggings. I own a pair but only because I am fat and lazy and they are cool.
Quick fix: No hope for jegging bitches. Alternative: well-made courduroys from Land's End. I kid you not they are both spacious and on sale in fuchsia. They still have the coveted elastic waistband and no qualms for $19.99. I like these.
BIG bows:
If your neck hurts it is because you have a big ass bow atop your dome. And specifically, stop touching yourself like you are pregnant. In the fashion world there is no room for buns in the oven.
Quick fix: Bandana, thumbs up to yourself.
Intimidating embellishments:
Studs.
Quick fix: Unless you are going to shank or curb-stomp some doinks later these just weigh you down. Shred!
Carhartt:
My dad wears Carhartt. This is because he is a woodworker. Roofers, stonemasons, and other tradespeople wear Carhartt. And now, so do you. Carhartt finally made Carhartt Streetwear. Collaborations with gnar brands make the transition from wanting that pesky trust fund your greased up hands are anxious to fondle to achieving your blue-collar hopes and dreams. Rock it baby!
Quick fix: Burn your bachelor's and start shingling. Look closely! The man on the left is wearing the classic Duck Bib, style #R28. Perfect for late fall/early spring. You will love them.
In summation:
To summarize it is important to feel your clothing. It should be so soft.
Posts
Emily this was really helpful to me because I used to think that one of the items on this list was cool and now I realize that it is not. (hint: its not the fox hat).
ReplyDelete-Allison
Girl it's cool. When I wrote it I was wearing my carhartt jacket with a leopard print bow in my hair. My jeggings weren't on. I don't think I was wearing pants at all.
ReplyDelete