ROBOTSROBOTSSNOWBOTSBEEBOP

1. Get kicked out of a library at 8:20 AM during finals week because it does not open until 8:30. Nothing screams go back to bed and fail calculus like kicking someone out of a library.

2. Fall on your ass not once but twice in a row down a 5 degree hill immediately after number 1 occurs. Try to do it in a public place in front of a building with many windows. Try to be on the phone with your mother who is telling you what a bitter person you are...for your age.

3. Make tasty green tea in dining hall. It turns out very, very brown.

4. Say hello to someone and hear them respond, "Hey, [then very very hushed under their breath] bitch."

5. Go back to dining hall to get some delicious food. There is none. Get rice and put some pasta sauce on it. Fucking like it. Take it into the library and for the first time in three years nod your head as another member of the Gestapo tells you you have to eat that over there by the door. In the corner. Alone.

5. Hallucinate.

6. Stab yourself in the face with your car keys. So it looks like a tiger clawed half your face. And eye.

7. Establish new forum for people to whine about how hard it is to be so great and motivated all the time: www.woe-is-me.blogspot.com

8. Unplug your fridge and stock with instant soup to be eaten at your convenience. Uncooked. Also this is a great party trick. All your friends--this is something I would do hypothetically if I had visitors. Or friends--will put their beers and schnapps in the little fridge and the drinks will never, ever get cold. Little box of disappointment.

Keep your voices down and your heads held high soldiers.

Jefferson Airplane - Today (Live at Monterey Pop in 1967)



I put this here for your sulking pleasure but really I am exclusively listening to Christmas classics. Smashing Pumpkins. (WHAT A LOSER.)

These are explicit love songs, idiot. Chosen carefully. Chose carefully.

Smashing Pumpkins

X.Y.U.

We Only Come Out at Night

Love

Cherub Rock

Where Boys Fear to Tread