if you can get past the disturbing,

Major Lazer "Pon De Floor" from Eric Wareheim on Vimeo.

the colors are actually rather delightful!

Dialectic #1

I can't help but love the library. All libraries. Even the most hideous library of all, my college library. I spend so much time there because when you aren't looking I huff the moldy book smell and it keeps me going. Besides that, I go for the fast internet. The internet at my house is so slow. But the best part of the library is that it exemplifies the dialectic. The quintessential library dialectic is this: The fast internet and the masses of elderly people. It makes me crazy! I love that shit. Oh, and people in the library do not get how to be quiet. It is as if the loudest people are drawn like a moth to a flame into the reading rooms. "Excuse me, where is the elusive trashcan?" One geriatric inquires at the top of his lungs. These people have been around for so long on the planet they just spit beautiful knowledge and metaphors like "the elusive trashcan." Like he needed to throw something away. NO. He was telling the library, for all to hear, the key to some part of existence. I honestly would spend all my time in the library and often I do which accounts for how unusually pale I am. Now you know.

Enough about the library (never enough) let's talk about making mixes for driving. As my brother says, there is no better way to piss someone off than by listening to the first 10 seconds of a song 100 times to get the mix just right. So find a closet, lock yourself in, and don't open the door until you are ready to tell the world you have a new mix. Or put on headphones rude-o.

This is definitely going on one of the mixes. Duh duh duh DEL.

So is this. Phantogram - When I'm Small

What a feeling

This is what broke feels like: I opened my wallet while driving today to find some Claritin because I was sneezing all over the steering wheel. There was a fucking spider building a nest. In my wallet. That's how often I open my wallet...never. It's a great place to settle down. 

This is what being a hobo feels like: I had my freaking dog with me in the car and it was too hot to leave her in the car so I fashioned a leash out of a 20-foot rope and she dragged me down Main St. We went into a store to find my friend and were immediately kicked out. Bitches can't handle having my bitch in their fancy clothing stores. I hope my poochie rubbed her stenchy all over the clothes. 

This is what being a creative genius feels like: I sanded the ugly Sector 9 paint job off of my longboard two years ago and never repainted it. This all changed last night. I made four separate puppy stencils, snookered some spray paint from the four corners of the earth and am now in the process of covering the belly of my board in PUPPIES! White, gold, purple, and grey.

This is what adventure music sounds like:

Barefoot Jerry - Smokies

*must wear toga

Check out this account of the epic naval battle reenactment in Queens, NY last week. Unbelievable, and the photos by Bryan Derballa aren't half bad either. 

As I creeped Bryan's site I found a new Sweet Tooth Nelson music video! What luck!

redundancy rat fink rat fink

this fun new thing is a great way to waste time.

intense Paris–Roubaix finish '87

Wu legos play by play.

Last night my friend said when she was little she always wanted to make pie because Snow White made it look like the easiest dessert to bake.

Male cuddlefish are about 1/4 the size of females. They look HEE-LAH-REE-US when they court their fishy bitches. This is unrelated but my new favorite video.

Buffy Sainte-Marie - He's A Keeper of The Fire

This song has all the allure of a flaming beverage when drinking that sort of thing seems like the best and most daring idea you have ever had.

[via]

Vroooom Vrooom Vrooom I bet you think your life is about you DON'T YOU DON'T YOU DON'T YOU You're so vain.

Very, very first thing before I start my poem. If you are in or out and about Brooklyn today and you do not see the FREE Del Tha Funky Show at the Waterfront no one will ever hold your hand or skip down a sidewalk with you again. Del is my hip-hop hero and he is playing a beautiful venue if you can call it that for free get there early stay late don't bother getting jigs because you are going to want to remember this in crystal clear clarity. Check that out - puppies snugglin! Awwwwraahhh.

When I was 12 I was in a bike gang. I lived above a garage and road my bike everywhere with the four other girls I lived with. The height of my rebellion. I would see my parents in passing on Main St. and they'd yell after me on my bike. This continued for three or so summers. They're still my best friends and we still ride bikes like we could take on cars. 

I cooked two very nice poached eggs this morning. I hate cooking and I'd eat cereal everyday if it meant I could avoid it but I saw the movie inspired by Julia Child (who is the only cook worth watching cook, especially in this video about
chickens) and it made me get up and poach eggs. Inspiration is just down the street. I'm over it already. My brother likes to cook and he literally talks like this and the only audible thing he says over the stove is usually "this spicy." 

I bought my mom two tickets to see Leo Kottke for her birthday. What a nice daughter I am. If you haven't heard his two albums with Mike Gordon GO GO GO!

My fridge at home is a chalk board and my brother and mother have been having ghost fights via it. The last one from my brother (whose spelling is less than stunning) was "Look! There is diareaaahhhhh on the ceiling." My mom: "That's been there for years. If you saw it, clean it up." His capitalization is also study-worthy.

Mom: "Be nice [flourish underlining and heart to cease the written battle]."

Brother: "But, i don't know How."

Hmmm, I wonder. Actually I have no time to wonder because today I must nurse the most artistic sunburn of the new millennium that my best friend is at fault for because she can't figure out how to apply sunblock to my literally see-through skin. I'm not kidding. I am also not an albino but that's not to say people haven't told me that I look like I am in the heat of the moment. Well guess what, suckers? I am going to have infant baby skin when I am 60 and you're going to look like you're 60 and enjoyed your life. Now whose laughing? I am. I AM. But my dog also has a poopie butt today so that is so funny. I also found out that she likes blueberries. One for me, one for you little dog. She ate so many and I'm wondering if she is going to ralph blue all over the floor today. Only tiiiime will tell. The other thing I have to do today is learn how to play Carly Simon's "You're So Vain" so I can replace the lyrics whenever I want about anything. What a song, what a lady. What ridiculous. 

Quintessential simple summer song for August when everything is tying itself up like a doily and you are clawing at the last bits of sun and freedom. [via]

Beach Fossils - Vacation

Getting loaded watching CNN

I love Aimee Mann. It was the first big girl concert I saw...with my parents but whatever my parents know how to rock so it was still ill. When I learned how to play guitar in middle school I did so by learning almost every Aimee Mann song off of I'm With Stupid and Bachelor No. 2. A while back she did a Daytrotter Sesh for her newest album @#%&*! Smilers (SuperEgo, 2008). Check out and download "31 Today" and "Phoenix" at the very least. Or just get the album. 

The best part of this video is when she puts her face on the cat. I don't say things like this because people that say things like this deserve to be conked in the dome but I have a total girl crush on her. She is 50 years old. Spectacular! Only she can sing songs about addiction, heartbreaks, suicide, and sad in the tone of POP. 

Doesn't the guy in the song sound like Kermit the Frog? AHHHIIIII LOVE IT.

And P.S. I know I am the only one on the ferry boat with a trash bag full of my clothes but I don't have a suitcase so stop giving me that "get out of my way hobo hipster bitch" glare. Because I will not. Get out of your way, that is. The man talking over the intercom sounds like a  gurgling robo-captain. The life vests are in the silver boxes to your left and right. Sir, please swallow whatever is in your throat and guide this vessel homeward as swiftly as possible. 

Also some great news: GANGSTER LEGS is getting a realer better website in a few weeks. Keep checking. 

S.S. Cartoon Videos

Some cool Steve Scott videos.